Why does the person who loves them the most end up doing it alone?
This isnt every case, but its a lot of cases, where there is one person in charge of most of the care for another. There are so many variations of this where it could be children of parents, a child who lives nearest, or sometimes a trusted friend. You could even be the hired help! Too man times, the support for the support just sends you the all too familiar text, “Just let me know if you need anything.”
You want to let them know that you nearly slipped trying to lift someone, havent slept well enough to keep your own head on straight, or havent eaten yourself in a while. Its not the work that breaks people, is the feeling of being unseen while doing it. But you probably wont. You’ve been tasked to “handle it” and you probably can, technically.
I’ve come to recognize that a lot of times, there is no real visability for the “support’s support”. The outer ring of support only sees snapshots, not the whole movie. A good a good afternoon during a visit, but never the 2 a.m. bathroom trip.
Most Caregiving is invisible: refills, calls, worry at 11 p.m…. “If it isn’t seen, it isn’t counted” said the author Rodsky from Fair Play.
Most of the time, even the parents you care for will also tell you a version of how they are feeling that differs from how they actually are. So the cap is usually about what they (your support) and even you, can see! Its never about how much you love this someone you care for.
If you’re the person being cared for, remember the same about other’s watching the movie about you! There are only so many snippets that they really see.
The focus for you, the reader, who has gotten to this point of this small article….is to remind yourself about the love you hold and to find the interest in bridging the snippets. Get to know the movie like you read the book. If you have the influence to do something, make an effort to fill the motion picture. This will make it easy for someone to say yes in times of need!
This series wont be about blame. Its about building a door you can walk through to influence the movie and have a fairytale ending.
As always, to my reader(s), I appreciate you and I hope this lightened your day.
Sources:
Rodsky, Eve. Fair Play. G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2019.
